Please Read These Words

Hakadaka.  The first cut is sometimes the deepest, and sometimes you don’t even scratch the surface.  Charlie came back into our lives that summer and just about blew it out of the water.  He tripped and fell over every chain draped across his path.  He ate so much cheese, and threw up so much alcohol, that it was a miracle he ever woke up most mornings.  The birthday party was a mess.  Chocolate cake everywhere.  Jack Daniels wrappers all over the place.  Charlie’s girlfriend was collecting the wrappers and had a pretty big pile assembled until the neighbors’ wolfhound came in and shredded all her hard work.  The neighbors.  Now there was something to scream about.  Shelly and Frank Cellini were the real deal.  Caddy in the brick driveway, not one, but four wolfhounds protecting the premises along with state of the art fencing and silent alarm systems.  If only they could remember to shut the fucking gate during gin and tonic long island iced tea afternoon patio time.  How the hell were Charlie and his girl Denise gonna write any goddamn hits again if these 150 pound smelly mutts didn’t stop barging in on their brainstorming parties?  They were gathering material.  They had Shaun in the corner nodding out…  Nancy was cleaning furiously and when the stuff finally wore off she would realize once again that Bob and Shit Brains Dennis make a mess faster than she and a 1000 strong cleaning crew–all on meth like Nancy–could ever keep up with.  Jesus.  Shit Brains Dennis.  Charlie was so close to finishing that refrain, and Dennis had to start in again with the “whoa is me speech” involving–you guessed it–Natalie Portman…  and how she’ll never see eye to eye with his plans.  Her star power, even after standing face-to-face with Luke Skywalker as the writers completely destroyed the Star Wars series with four words…  “but… I…  I love You!”–was utterly beyond Shit Brains Dennis’s belief.  He got winded talking about her.  Her small breasts.  Her frail yet wirey “I’ll fuck you up” frame–further confirmed by her rap performance on Saturday Night Live…  Her caustic sense of humor was something guys like Shit Brains Dennis just eat the fuck up.  The guy had a pretty loose grip–or an extra tight one depending on how you see it– and he needed a brilliant movie star with severe bone structure, and those dark, mysterious softly psychotic–but definitely psychotic eyes.  He needed a victim for his obsession.