There Is Nothing To Worry About
2 December 2008
Another economic downturn has entered the airwaves. What are we going to do if the car companies don’t get our taxes? Of course, I feel bad for the workers who have grown attached to their routines, and the knowledge that a pension can pay for food and vacations and grandkids’ birthday presents… I just don’t really want to think about whether or not it’s fair for all of us to pay for a company’s lack of ingenuity and foresight. My wife and I want to start a business; if we make a lot of stuff that people don’t want, do we get free money to keep our business doors open? With corporations begging left and right for help from our communal pot, I wonder if the CEO’s of these places are even considering the irony that fear of socialism was such a sticking point in the recent election.
I want everything to be free. I don’t want to work. I want the government to just print money and give me money so I can feel it in my hand. I know if no one’s working, stores might close and money will be useless, but I still just want to hold fresh bills. Have suitcases full of rubber-banded stacks of 100′s. I want to watch the bills come off the press in sheets, and then get cut right into piles, wrapped in cellophane, and placed in an old Addidas gym bag I have at the back of my closet. I don’t need fresh vegetables anymore, forget clean water and air. Give me bags of cash and a high limit platinum card with one of those Fox News blondes on my arm. I’ll find an abandoned Maserati in the Hollywood Hills after the fire. The keys will be in it somehow, and the house attached to the Maserati will be untouched by the fire. The blonde newswoman and I will have urgent sex on million thread count sheets. Apocalyptic sex. We’ll notice the house belonged to our favorite TV star from the 80′s and we’ll laugh about the good old days. Then we’ll watch smoke rise from the burning lots scattering the adjacent hillsides. The valley below darkening, we’ll suddenly realize the lights aren’t coming on. The angels of the city have all gone to sleep.
